Tired

I have been waiting to come out of a kinda dark spot, but it really hasn't happened yet. It is strange the things that are bothering me and making me cry. One of the strangest things about it is, that these things were the things that bothered me 5 years ago and shouldn't be the things that bother me now...but they do. It is rather unfortunate really. I thought I had built a more steady wall around my heart in the years I have watched hard things happening.
There are people begging me to help them EVERY time I go to town. Pleading their cases, desperate for a job, and unwilling to accept a no for an answer. I have people coming to my gate, and they look desperate. Again begging for a job, a little money for food, transport to the hospital for ARV medication..... It is constant and it has gotten worse, and I am only one person. I can't help them all and still pay my rent and feed my 5 kids. What is my responsibility? What does God want me to do? I HATE being the rich white person who is supposed to solve everyone's problems. I am already providing jobs to 45 people at BG. I am caring for 65-75 kids, plus my own family. I have hired a widow to clean my home, paying the school fees for an orphan, and trying to help a family eat as they are one step away from homelessness. Yet, I am not even scratching the surface. The need to far greater than I could even dream of.
I am just tired. I don't want to go to town because I know what is coming. I don't want to look at my gate because I know what is coming. I turn people away and I just cry because I really felt horrible for their situation, but I couldn't help. I am stretched as far as I can go emotionally. Then other things come up, so many things that I can't even begin to describe; death, sickness, loss of friends, unexpected situations, uncertainty, abandonment, apathy, inexcusable medical "mistakes,"  fighting among Christians, and so much more. I used to give Bryan such a hard time for being a pessimistic person, but I can understand how it all adds up over time.
Lesotho is my home and I have always loved it here, but there are seasons where it weighs very heavily. One of the things that Bryan and I have discussed is how hard it must be for wealthy people. Always being asked to donate to this cause or that cause, they must get exhausted and feel like no one even sees them anymore, they only see a pocketbook. I hope that in all our fundraising efforts, we have never made anyone feel that way, but if we have, we are deeply sorry.
All these feelings are just a small part of what has been going through my head for the last 6 weeks, and while I thought it might not be best to blog about it, I just feel like I need to get it out. I apologize for a venting post, and ask that you would pray for the thousands of Basotho who lack work, food, and proper health care. Also, if you could pray that I could hear clearly from God in who I help verses who I am just meant to pray for, that would be greatly appreciated.

Amazing Art Prize Exhibit - you don't want to miss it!!!!

"I first became intrigued with the children of Beautiful Gate through their images. I fell in love with their innocence and their incredible stories through my friends who moved to Lesotho in early 2015 from Holland, MI to serve at Beautiful Gate for 2 years. Beautiful Gate is a haven for orphaned, abandoned and neglected children in Lesotho, a country in southern Africa. Some of these children have been found in garbage dumps or roaming the streets with no place to go and no one to care for them. Thankfully Beautiful Gate exists today to give these precious children a Christian home to nurture and guide them through their early years. The ultimate goal is to unite these children with a forever family that will love them as their own. It has been my privilege to paint the faces and images of these children where they can play and be happy in a safe environment. It is my hope that others may join me in celebrating this wonderful place called Beautiful Gate Lesotho."
Mary Westrate
http://www.artprize.org/63253


This link is for Art Prize in Grand Rapids, MI  September 21 - October 9, 2016.
I am super excited about this exhibit and really want to encourage all of you who live in West MI to please, go out of your way to visit this exhibit. This amazing woman is showing such support, and she has not even been able to come and visit the kids at BG yet. Bring your friends and please, come and show your support for BG at Art Prize this year. I am so bummed that I will not be able to go, so feel free to post a picture on my (Facebook) wall so I can feel like I was a part of it too ;)

Good-bye my dear Friend, I will miss you

There are moments in life where things take you so off balance, there is no where to go but down. I hit a moment like that on Monday and I am still reeling in shock.
I know this kind of thing happens to people all over the world every single day, but I guess you just never get used to it.
A dear friend of mine has very suddenly passed on into the arms of Jesus. Just last month she was messaging me and we were making plans to have her come over for tea. She hadn't been to my new house or met my new daughters yet, so she said she would let me know when she was back in town. This friend used to be our nurse at BG. She was a great nurse, and I think I have blogged about it before, but we were required to let her go (labor dept wouldn't give her a work visa) because she was not a Masotho. As soon as we let her go, the government of Lesotho picked her up as a nurse for a clinic up in the mountains (don't even get me started on the hypocrisy of that decision of the Lesotho labor department). Her new clinic was in a mountainous area of Lesotho and the only way to really get there was through MAF flights. When she had time off, she would go visit her husband and son in Zimbabwe (her home country), but on her way back, she would stop by and see us at BG when time permitted.
Her precious daughter died a few years ago, and my friend missed her daughter so much. My one comfort right now is that they are united in heaven and her longing for her precious daughter is healed. But for those that remain, it is just heartbreaking. We didn't even know she was sick, and now she is gone. I hate that I didn't get to visit her, or pray with her when she was sick. She gave up so much to come to Lesotho in order to find work and provide for her family, and it feels so unfair that this is how it ends. I know that God's timing is always the best timing. I am grateful that He blessed Lesotho with a woman who knew how to love and serve others more than herself. I am grateful that I could call Patty my friend. We could talk about what it was like being foreigners in Lesotho and share fond memories we had of our home countries. I admired the love she had for her family and what she sacrificed to help them thrive. This country has lost a beautiful angel of love and mercy, but God has gained a very good and faithful servant.
I miss you terribly, Patty and I look forward to worshipping our Father in heaven together one day. You made me feel loved and appreciated as your boss even when we cried together because I had to let you go. You cared for the children and staff at BG with great patience and grace. You handled frustration with grace, and confronted in love. I am blessed beyond measure to have been lucky enough to call you my friend.

Sad Good-byes

Today has been a reminder of how hard it can be to be an ex-pat/missionary overseas. I watched as a family had to separate as they took their son to boarding school, leaving his younger sister and brother behind. Oh my heart, as I saw the tears of everyone involved in saying goodbye. I know that there comes a day when you have to let your kids "leave the nest," but 9th grade just feels harder than college age. Here we are in this little country of Lesotho with no high school, and families are forced into leaving, sending kids to boarding school or online schooling which isn't the best option for many kids who want to join clubs or sports.
Elijah is the last boy in our missionary community who is in middle school and had to say goodbye to his best friend today (they have been friends for over 5 years). It is sad to see these good-byes, and it is a stark reminder of the same hard decision that we will be forced to act on a year from now. The battle within a 13 year old (this is where Eli is) who wants desperately to be challenged more academically, play sports, have friends his own age, and join a club that will help him in his desire to invent things, yet he has NO desire to leave his family. It is just one of those things that we cannot control, but we have to trust God as we learn to let go of the imagined control we have, and embrace the future God has already planned for our kids. That being said, it still brings tears to my eyes as I watch...knowing that I am next.

Our last few weeks in Pictures!

We have celebrated birthdays, climbed mountains, had a snowball fight (P and N's first time seeing snow!!!!!), played countless games and even made snow globes thanks to Aunt Amy! 

Interview with Mercy

Bryan, Faith, and Elijah are in Jo-burg today bringing home Bryan's sister and brother-in-law. Polita and Nthabeleng were not allowed to come to BG today cause the BG kids are on school holidays and we were asked not to bring them until a year after adoption, so.... I brought Mercy to work today. As we drove into the gate she sighed and said, "Ahhhhhh home sweet home!" Watching her come on campus and go from kid to kid or staff to staff, it is so heartwarming. She loves them all so much, and they genuinely love her so much too. Anyway, I thought since she is here, I can interview her for a blog post.

This picture was taken at Mercy's medieval birthday party last Sunday.

Me "Mercy, how do you feel coming back to BG today?"
Mercy, "It is lovely and it is my home. I will always miss it, and I will miss all the staff. I will also miss the tree I used to climb all the time, but I will miss the kids and staff most."


Me "What is one of your favorite memories with a staff member?"
Mercy, "I have two. One was with my friend Thato, and we were eating mulberries. We liked to see the faces the staff made when they ate the unripe mulberries we shared with them. I also enjoy painting her nails and she enjoys it too. Me and Thato have a lot of fun and we are great friends. Another memory was when Ntate Francis told me there were sharks in the water tank. He pretended to go inside the tank, and I screamed all the way home thinking that there really were sharks in the water tank. Now I know that there really are no sharks, but I was 3 or 4 at the time."


Me "What is a favorite memory of Beautiful Gate?"
Mercy, "I enjoyed collecting tadpoles from the middle pond (by the way there are 3 ponds) and climbing the big tree."


Me "If someone wanted to come and visit BG, what would you say to encourage them to come?"
Mercy, "BG is the most wonderful place. You get to play with orphans whenever you want. You get to hear birds sing in the morning. It is so beautiful here so please come."


Me "Anything else you want to say today?"
Mercy, "My family has been a little bit harder since we adopted, but I am happy that we adopted. I have two little, wonderful, sisters and I love them with all of my heart. I love my mom, dad and siblings with all of my heart. My aunt and uncle are coming today and I am really excited. Love, Mercy"


By the way, this little cutie just celebrated her 9th birthday!!!!!!!

Really Good Day

I cannot really put everything into words, but today was one of the best days I have had in several months. I think it is a combination of so many things really. Yesterday, we decided to adopt a dog, a great dane named Bali, from one of our good friends. Her daughter is terrified of dogs, and she tried having a dog for protection from robberies, but she was robbed even with the dog. She decided to make life easier for her daughter by adopting out her dog (please pray for her cause she has been robbed 6 times in 7 months and it is exhausting and scary). All that being said, I am not happy about her loss, but getting a dog has been the dream of my 3 oldest kids for years and they had even convinced Polita and Nthabeleng that we should get a dog when we move back to America. Imagine their incredible joy when I surprised them all with a dog, now instead of when we move. They were so happy and spent tons of time outside with her today.


Then I got to sneak over to BG for 2 hours today so I could see one of my absolute favorite friends (Meredith) who is with a team for the next few weeks. We had a really nice conversation - despite the interruptions of my cute kids. I was able to share some deep feelings I have been working through with a friend who has known me for 18 years. It was pretty incredible and I thank God for that gift. Since I wasn't really supposed to have Polita and Nthabeleng there, I decided to take them out on a date to Spur while the rest of the family remained with the team and had dinner together.


Anyone who knows the BG kids, knows that they same the same prayer at every meal. Polita and Nthabeleng have been praying that same prayer every time they pray for the 51/2 months they have lived with us. Today at Spur, Polita prayed the most amazing prayer ever. She prayed for Kim, our friend who was robbed, for Bryan, Elijah, Faith and Mercy to have a good dinner and to get home safely and for us also to get home safely after we ate. I literally just started at her for a minute and then gave her a huge high five. Normally she says, "Father we thank you for the food, in Jesus name, Amen" Wow, so cool that she has been listening to the rest of us praying and that she is feeling comfortable enough to try her own prayer. The 3 of us had such a nice dinner full of smiles and laughter and I just stopped, thought about my life, and thought, "wow, I am so incredibly blessed."


There are many days that don't turn out perfect, but days like today make up for some of those bad days. Days where I can soak up the joy my kids have, and feel such peace that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I am doing exactly what I was meant to do, raising up 5 absolutely fantastic kids to know and love the Lord and to love each other.


I will leave you with something that really touched my heart. As we left the restaurant, we had decided to take a balloon home for Faith and Elijah because Mercy, Polita and Nthabe already had ones at home. When I got home, Bali was a little too excited to see us and the bumped Polita into a tree and the balloon popped. Polita started sobbing. I asked if she was hurt and she said no, she was just sad because she really wanted to give Faith something special. Wow, what a beautiful moment. Almost 6 months of being sisters and she wanted to be thoughtful and it broke her heart that her plan failed. Nthabe made sure Eli knew to share his balloon and all ended well. Adoption is a really big adjustment, but moments like this let me know that we defiantly made the right choice.