Getting By

Just thought I should let you all know that I am still alive ;) You are probably wondering what has happened since it has been so long since my last post. Well, Bryan and Lindiwe headed to Michigan, Mississippi and the UK so he can introduce her to some of our supporting churches and friends. They left on February 20th, so I have been trying to hold the fort at our home, KCAL (school) and help Peter at Beautiful Gate. They are due to return to Lesotho on March 14th so just over a week to go. Sounds like they have been extremely busy, but things are going well for them and we are so thankful for that.
I cannot even begin to describe all the things that have happened or gone wrong in the last week and a half, but God is carrying us all through. Please pray for Mercy's teacher who has gone back to the states for a few weeks due to the sickness of a beloved grandfather. I have been sick for a week and a half now, so prayers for that to go away would also be great. My children have really stepped up in a big way while I have been sick, but I am sure they are ready for their normal mommy to return especially since they are missing their dad. There are several situations at BG that I have been focusing on as well that could use some prayer support too. Things are not easy, but we are getting by.
I have to say that the blessing in all of this is my kids. They are really getting along very well and being helpful. Elijah has been reading a book to us and helped me a lot when our gate got broken and the two days I had a fever. Faith is spending more time being an awesome big sister and playing with her younger 3 sisters, even though she would rather be reading, and she has been supplying us with some yummy baked goods. Mercy is a rock star big sister and has been playing non stop with Polita and Nthabeleng. They seem to love every game she comes up with and that is helping her be a fun big sister. Polita is always offering to be helpful and does nice things for people without even being asked (yesterday she put all the dishes away after I washed them and I didn't even know she was doing that. She loves surprising me). Nthabeleng has been listening super well, and she is always willing to give a hug or make someone smile even when they are sick (and she should probably avoid them so she doesn't get sick, hahaha). I am blessed beyond measure with my 5 kids.
Another blessing is just the time I am getting to spend with them. The 3 weeks before Bryan left, I had started working full time at BG. I am now the operations manager which is the role Bryan originally came to BG to do. I worked at the school and BG before, but I finished my days when the kids got home from school. Now I was working till 5/5:30 and then coming home to cook dinner and spend time with the kids and Bryan. Thankfully my mother in law was there for the first few weeks (they were here until February 2 and it was a great visit) because she helped so much, especially with dinner prep and keeping the kids entertained. Once Bryan returns, I will have to adjust back into the role of full time work and he will be the one working at KCAL. It is helping BG transition better with him not being there daily because it is just too easy for people to ask him questions when they should be asking Peter and Lindiwe.
All that to say - I am alive and we are doing well. We are just in the middle of a lot of transitions, and we could use your prayers. Thanks everyone!

Hope Restored

It is very difficult to put feelings into perspective especially for those of you who have not lived in Lesotho, but I feel like I need to share my experience yesterday. To be very honest, by the end of the day I was so angry that I just wanted to march into the ministry of social development and rant and rave and spew all the things I have been stuffing inside for years. Poor Bryan got stuck listening to my tirade on our way to dinner, and thankfully. he is still talking to me so I must not have been too offensive.


It all started off with bad news affecting a child whom I have loved for a long time. She just isn't going to be able to have a family. Through no fault of her own, but due to a person who didn't do their job right (not referring to anyone at BG). That is it, a person who didn't do their paperwork right just RUINED a child's hope for a family.


Then I got to be a social worker for a day and read up on some children's profiles for a special project I had to work on. There is a good reason that I usually don't read their stories. It just sucks. It is painful to read about their beginnings before BG. Stories of rape, incest, choosing a lover over a child, dropping a kid off and running away, being locked in a home for days, being dumped in a ditch and the list goes on and on and on. This is real life stuff that these kids have faced and not all of them were babies that could just forget this. This is their story, and while I firmly believe that God can and will redeem each life, each story, walking through their pain made my heart cry out. INJUSTICE!!!!!!!!! Oh my heart, these poor precious little ones have walked an unbelievable journey, and it isn't over yet. I closed the file cabinet with a heavy heart. I was not just reading a story, I had entered into the raw pain of children I hold, play with and take pictures of each week. I KNOW them and I liked being ignorant of their story and just loving on them. The story doesn't change the way I interact with them, it just weighs down my heart.


There was one more injustice to add to my day and it was more than I could bear. 2 precious children had been placed in a terrible place and needed intervention. They needed to be moved to a safe place, but they did not know how dangerous their situation was. Removing children from their mother, wow, that is heartbreaking. The crying, the look of fear, the shaking and terror are so real. How can you say that you are safe and they will be ok when you have removed them from their only comforter that they have ever known? Pray for the social worker, the nurse and the house mothers as they try to bring comfort and answers to some very hard questions. Pray for the kids who really don't know that we are doing what is best for them. I held one of them while he was screaming and it was so sad. I tried everything I could think of, and then I just started to pray out loud for him. It was a hard day. Disappointment, harsh realities and raw pain rolled up in one day.


After that we went out for dinner with some friends from England. I was able to vent my frustrations to Bryan on the way and then just focus on friends during dinner. Elijah was left in charge at home so we could go out for dinner and enjoy an adult conversation. Toward the end of our dinner we began to get some texts from Elijah wondering when we were coming home. I was surprised by this because he doesn't usually send messages. After dinner we headed home to a nice surprise. Faith had made us a cake, Elijah had made a British flag. They had plates, napkins, cups and drinks out for us, and it was a wonderful surprise. I am just amazed that on a day where it seemed there was just no good left in the world, my own kids showed me how a random act of kindness can really bring hope back.

I cannot change what I know. I cannot make someone do their job (trust me, if there was a way, I would be using it), I cannot stop abandonment, but I can offer little acts of kindness to restore hope to these kids

Tough Love

Many of you have followed our journey from  the start, and will recall some of our stories from pretty early on. One of those stories has been our friendship with Lucky who was one of Elijah's favorite friends when we first moved here. He has come and gone within our journey now that he is no longer living in Maseru, but he has been doing his best to keep us up to date with a random phone call every few months.


This week he stopped by the office to talk about his schooling needs, we have been sponsoring him in school for several years. After a long discussion, with help from our HR manager who called his school, I was able to determine that he actually failed all of his classes last year. It was so sad to see that we had paid for everything he needed for school, and he did not put forth enough effort to pass even one class. I was stuck in a really hard place as I needed to determine what the next step should be.


I began to image if one of my children went off to college and failed all of their classes. There is no way I would pay for them to have another class. What a waste of money when there are so many people who would sacrifice so many things just to have a good education. I knew in my heart that I had to hold him to the same standard I would hold my own child to. I needed to teach him that you don't receive a gift and then throw it away and expect another gift. It was time for him to learn how to make his dreams a reality, this time by himself. Maybe this would be the push he needs to help Him learn to trust and rely on God because God is the only one who can help him bring about change.


Those things may be true in my head, but my heart was absolutely shattered when I had to share it with him. With tears rolling down my cheeks, I told him that I loved him too much to bail him out, he needed to find his own way into school. I told him that I have always thought of him like a son, and I was going to treat him the same way I would treat my own son. But tough love hurts deeply. He wouldn't look at me, he was so devastated. I could barely hold myself together as I hugged him and sent him back to his uncle's house. Then I came into the office and sobbed. I have been praying for him ever since and I will continue to pray for him. This was so hard for me, but I know that I did the right thing in teaching him to value the gifts he will be given in the future, and to help him take his education seriously. May this lesson in tough love make a lasting impression on him that will change his life for the better.

Weight on my heart

Just for the record...I don't think I am bi-polar, but if you read my blog from week to week, it may seem like I am! I can go from such a high, to such a low in a very short period of time. This week feels like a low to me. Maybe there was just too much going on in the last few weeks that now I am decompressing, or maybe it is the week of rain that has been happening, or maybe it is just living in Lesotho.


I feel weight on my heart that I can't unload. I feel troubled for so many people, and it is painful. There are more and more situations that I am becoming aware of and they are completely heart breaking. I know God sees those who I have been praying for, but it feels like He is silent. I know that He has a good plan for all who love Him and call upon His name, but waiting is very discouraging. I will not give up hope even in my discouragement, but there are days that feel a little more hopeless than others.


On top of the weight that I am carrying for those in Lesotho, my heart has been completely shattered in the area of abortion. I think that our living here for 7 years and trying to facilitate families coming together, and our own choice to adopt can clearly show that we care deeply for life. I care so much for children that sometimes when I hear their abandonment stories, I feel physically sick. Yesterday, Elijah had to watch a video about abortion for one of his online classes, and I decided that I needed to view the video so I know what they are saying and teaching my son. I was literally shaking and nauseous after watching a video of an actual abortion as well as many graphic scenes of tiny baby hands, legs, and faces. My heart is broken for those little ones who will never get the chance to experience life. They will not even get the chance to feel love, know the care of a parent, or even breathe a breath of fresh air. I am broken for those who feel this is a good option when I personally know many, many mothers and fathers who are sitting with empty arms, waiting for a child to love.


Please pray for the many jobless, hungry and hopeless in Lesotho. Also pray for those who feel stuck, confused and scared and run to the wrong solution whether it is abortion or abandonment, neglect or mistreatment, or any other thing than receiving the blessing they have been given and giving everything they have to do what is right, even if that includes adoption. Thank you for your prayers and for allowing me to unload a little of the weight on my heart.

Baptisms, Birthdays, and Profession of faith....oh my!!

On December 31st, Polita and Nthabeleng were baptized at the Semonkong falls. It was really great because we have our pastor from Michigan visiting along with several friends, and even Bryan's parents. It was a beautiful (and hot) day!

On January 1st, we celebrated Polita (8) and Nthabeleng's (6) birthdays! We had lots of friends and family with us to share their first birthday party. Polita was amazed that we had such a party for them and enjoyed all the presents, especially her new doll with hair she can braid!!!

Then on January 4th, Elijah stood before his friends, family, and adopted aunts and uncles ( aka the BG staff) and gave his testimony and profession of faith. Wow, what a beautiful moment for all of us to witness. He is an incredible young man who really takes his faith seriously. 

It has been a very full and wonderful week with my family. Bryan and I have committed to raise Polita and Nthabeleng in such a way as to teach them about God, and we have witnessed what that looks like through Elijah. We also got to see pure joy and delight from our youngest 2 girls as they had a special day all about them. Our hearts are full this week as we celebrate the blessings we have been given, and one of those blessings is that Oma and Papa are here to celebrate these milestones with us.

Special Friends

On Friday we said good-bye to some of the closest friends we have made as a family, the amazing Munger family. It was not easy to watch them go, and it was made harder as my 2 youngest daughters had tears rolling down their faces. Their first friends, since joining our family, were now leaving Lesotho. Then I looked at Mercy and was reminded of how lonely she was until her friends moved here. There have not been very many missionary families with girls around Mercy's age living in Lesotho. These 2 girls changed Mercy's life because she learned so much more about friendship. We have been neighbors with the Mungers for the last 16 months (they were in Lesotho for 2 1/2 years we were just living on campus for part of that time), and Mercy went to school with her friends for 2 years. It was so sad watching them go, and knowing the hole it would leave in our hearts.


There is something special about having friends who are also running a similar ministry (we also have a close friendship with the managers at MAF). There are so many obstacles and trials that come up, and it is not appropriate to share those publically. Having friends whom you can let down your guard with, and who don't work in your same organization is priceless. We were so blessed by walking through the joys and trials of running our organization with such good friends. We also enjoyed weekly dinners and game nights to help us all unwind from our demanding schedules, and our girls would play for hours during these nights. What a gift to our family this was. We are so grateful that God answered our prayers for a friend for Mercy, and prayers we did not even ask, in friends for our whole family.

We thought we were getting a bit numb with all of the good-byes that are required for this missionary lifestyle, but we were wrong. Lorna found a way into my heart, and began to feel like a sister to me. I feel like I lost a dear sister, but I am trying to be positive and thankful for the time we could all hang out together. I am also thankful for internet so we can stay in touch, but it is not the same as just dropping by your neighbors house for a cup of coffee :(

We wish you all the best with your transition, and we pray that God will provide you with wonderful friends when you get settled. You have been amazing friends, (I know you were just born that way Lorna ). Elijah and Bryan will keep up their game stats for you Matt (thanks for starting the game nights), and we look forward to a time when God will cross our paths again! 

6 Years

I stepped off a plane and entered the country of Lesotho with my husband and 3 (of my 5) children, 6 years ago today. We had no idea what we were walking into. We only knew that we were walking in obedience to the Lord who had clearly called us to this little country. We knew that He wanted us to care for His children. We walked off that plane with absolutely no idea what God is store.

Had we known He wanted us to run Beautiful Gate as directors, we never would have walked off that plane. If God had told me that I would help start up a school for my children and other missionary kids, I never would have walked off that plane. Honestly, if He had told me that I would be the mother of 5 children 5 years later, I probably would have stumbled out of the plane. Wanting to take that step, but being terrified that I could not handle what He was asking me to do (little did I know that my youngest child wasn't even born yet). He has unfolded His great plans very slowly, which gives us the right amount of courage and trust (and sometimes a small level of blindness) to take one step at a time. Looking back just fills me with wonder at the greatness of our God!

In August, we hit a pretty awesome milestone at BGL. Karen and I were just working on the newsletter when I saw that we had our 200th adoption in August. That is just too amazing. 200 adoptions in 15 years. 200 children who have found love, hope, and a second chance through adoption. Not to mention parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, family friends, etc, whose lives have also been changed through the blessing of adoptions. This is just one small thing I never could have fathomed the day I stepped off that plane 6 years ago.

I will be forever grateful that we took this step of faith. It has been anything but easy, but it has been rewarding. I am thankful that we will still have the opportunity to serve Him in different capacities into the next year as well and that our journey is not finished yet. There are many days it almost feels harder now than it did those first years, but we know that God is still slowly unfolding His wonderful plan for our lives. I know that the next year will fly by quickly!