Good-bye my dear Friend, I will miss you

There are moments in life where things take you so off balance, there is no where to go but down. I hit a moment like that on Monday and I am still reeling in shock.
I know this kind of thing happens to people all over the world every single day, but I guess you just never get used to it.
A dear friend of mine has very suddenly passed on into the arms of Jesus. Just last month she was messaging me and we were making plans to have her come over for tea. She hadn't been to my new house or met my new daughters yet, so she said she would let me know when she was back in town. This friend used to be our nurse at BG. She was a great nurse, and I think I have blogged about it before, but we were required to let her go (labor dept wouldn't give her a work visa) because she was not a Masotho. As soon as we let her go, the government of Lesotho picked her up as a nurse for a clinic up in the mountains (don't even get me started on the hypocrisy of that decision of the Lesotho labor department). Her new clinic was in a mountainous area of Lesotho and the only way to really get there was through MAF flights. When she had time off, she would go visit her husband and son in Zimbabwe (her home country), but on her way back, she would stop by and see us at BG when time permitted.
Her precious daughter died a few years ago, and my friend missed her daughter so much. My one comfort right now is that they are united in heaven and her longing for her precious daughter is healed. But for those that remain, it is just heartbreaking. We didn't even know she was sick, and now she is gone. I hate that I didn't get to visit her, or pray with her when she was sick. She gave up so much to come to Lesotho in order to find work and provide for her family, and it feels so unfair that this is how it ends. I know that God's timing is always the best timing. I am grateful that He blessed Lesotho with a woman who knew how to love and serve others more than herself. I am grateful that I could call Patty my friend. We could talk about what it was like being foreigners in Lesotho and share fond memories we had of our home countries. I admired the love she had for her family and what she sacrificed to help them thrive. This country has lost a beautiful angel of love and mercy, but God has gained a very good and faithful servant.
I miss you terribly, Patty and I look forward to worshipping our Father in heaven together one day. You made me feel loved and appreciated as your boss even when we cried together because I had to let you go. You cared for the children and staff at BG with great patience and grace. You handled frustration with grace, and confronted in love. I am blessed beyond measure to have been lucky enough to call you my friend.

Sad Good-byes

Today has been a reminder of how hard it can be to be an ex-pat/missionary overseas. I watched as a family had to separate as they took their son to boarding school, leaving his younger sister and brother behind. Oh my heart, as I saw the tears of everyone involved in saying goodbye. I know that there comes a day when you have to let your kids "leave the nest," but 9th grade just feels harder than college age. Here we are in this little country of Lesotho with no high school, and families are forced into leaving, sending kids to boarding school or online schooling which isn't the best option for many kids who want to join clubs or sports.
Elijah is the last boy in our missionary community who is in middle school and had to say goodbye to his best friend today (they have been friends for over 5 years). It is sad to see these good-byes, and it is a stark reminder of the same hard decision that we will be forced to act on a year from now. The battle within a 13 year old (this is where Eli is) who wants desperately to be challenged more academically, play sports, have friends his own age, and join a club that will help him in his desire to invent things, yet he has NO desire to leave his family. It is just one of those things that we cannot control, but we have to trust God as we learn to let go of the imagined control we have, and embrace the future God has already planned for our kids. That being said, it still brings tears to my eyes as I watch...knowing that I am next.

Our last few weeks in Pictures!

We have celebrated birthdays, climbed mountains, had a snowball fight (P and N's first time seeing snow!!!!!), played countless games and even made snow globes thanks to Aunt Amy! 

Interview with Mercy

Bryan, Faith, and Elijah are in Jo-burg today bringing home Bryan's sister and brother-in-law. Polita and Nthabeleng were not allowed to come to BG today cause the BG kids are on school holidays and we were asked not to bring them until a year after adoption, so.... I brought Mercy to work today. As we drove into the gate she sighed and said, "Ahhhhhh home sweet home!" Watching her come on campus and go from kid to kid or staff to staff, it is so heartwarming. She loves them all so much, and they genuinely love her so much too. Anyway, I thought since she is here, I can interview her for a blog post.

This picture was taken at Mercy's medieval birthday party last Sunday.

Me "Mercy, how do you feel coming back to BG today?"
Mercy, "It is lovely and it is my home. I will always miss it, and I will miss all the staff. I will also miss the tree I used to climb all the time, but I will miss the kids and staff most."


Me "What is one of your favorite memories with a staff member?"
Mercy, "I have two. One was with my friend Thato, and we were eating mulberries. We liked to see the faces the staff made when they ate the unripe mulberries we shared with them. I also enjoy painting her nails and she enjoys it too. Me and Thato have a lot of fun and we are great friends. Another memory was when Ntate Francis told me there were sharks in the water tank. He pretended to go inside the tank, and I screamed all the way home thinking that there really were sharks in the water tank. Now I know that there really are no sharks, but I was 3 or 4 at the time."


Me "What is a favorite memory of Beautiful Gate?"
Mercy, "I enjoyed collecting tadpoles from the middle pond (by the way there are 3 ponds) and climbing the big tree."


Me "If someone wanted to come and visit BG, what would you say to encourage them to come?"
Mercy, "BG is the most wonderful place. You get to play with orphans whenever you want. You get to hear birds sing in the morning. It is so beautiful here so please come."


Me "Anything else you want to say today?"
Mercy, "My family has been a little bit harder since we adopted, but I am happy that we adopted. I have two little, wonderful, sisters and I love them with all of my heart. I love my mom, dad and siblings with all of my heart. My aunt and uncle are coming today and I am really excited. Love, Mercy"


By the way, this little cutie just celebrated her 9th birthday!!!!!!!

Really Good Day

I cannot really put everything into words, but today was one of the best days I have had in several months. I think it is a combination of so many things really. Yesterday, we decided to adopt a dog, a great dane named Bali, from one of our good friends. Her daughter is terrified of dogs, and she tried having a dog for protection from robberies, but she was robbed even with the dog. She decided to make life easier for her daughter by adopting out her dog (please pray for her cause she has been robbed 6 times in 7 months and it is exhausting and scary). All that being said, I am not happy about her loss, but getting a dog has been the dream of my 3 oldest kids for years and they had even convinced Polita and Nthabeleng that we should get a dog when we move back to America. Imagine their incredible joy when I surprised them all with a dog, now instead of when we move. They were so happy and spent tons of time outside with her today.


Then I got to sneak over to BG for 2 hours today so I could see one of my absolute favorite friends (Meredith) who is with a team for the next few weeks. We had a really nice conversation - despite the interruptions of my cute kids. I was able to share some deep feelings I have been working through with a friend who has known me for 18 years. It was pretty incredible and I thank God for that gift. Since I wasn't really supposed to have Polita and Nthabeleng there, I decided to take them out on a date to Spur while the rest of the family remained with the team and had dinner together.


Anyone who knows the BG kids, knows that they same the same prayer at every meal. Polita and Nthabeleng have been praying that same prayer every time they pray for the 51/2 months they have lived with us. Today at Spur, Polita prayed the most amazing prayer ever. She prayed for Kim, our friend who was robbed, for Bryan, Elijah, Faith and Mercy to have a good dinner and to get home safely and for us also to get home safely after we ate. I literally just started at her for a minute and then gave her a huge high five. Normally she says, "Father we thank you for the food, in Jesus name, Amen" Wow, so cool that she has been listening to the rest of us praying and that she is feeling comfortable enough to try her own prayer. The 3 of us had such a nice dinner full of smiles and laughter and I just stopped, thought about my life, and thought, "wow, I am so incredibly blessed."


There are many days that don't turn out perfect, but days like today make up for some of those bad days. Days where I can soak up the joy my kids have, and feel such peace that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I am doing exactly what I was meant to do, raising up 5 absolutely fantastic kids to know and love the Lord and to love each other.


I will leave you with something that really touched my heart. As we left the restaurant, we had decided to take a balloon home for Faith and Elijah because Mercy, Polita and Nthabe already had ones at home. When I got home, Bali was a little too excited to see us and the bumped Polita into a tree and the balloon popped. Polita started sobbing. I asked if she was hurt and she said no, she was just sad because she really wanted to give Faith something special. Wow, what a beautiful moment. Almost 6 months of being sisters and she wanted to be thoughtful and it broke her heart that her plan failed. Nthabe made sure Eli knew to share his balloon and all ended well. Adoption is a really big adjustment, but moments like this let me know that we defiantly made the right choice.

Waiting in pain

5 1/2 years later and medical apathy is still one of the most frustrating things about living here. I honestly don't know how most people are still alive in Lesotho. We had a child who was struggling to breath on Saturday so I had to make the call whether we take the child to the government hospital or the private hospital (government one is free for kids in care centers, private is not). Thinking of what I would want for my own kid in that situation, I went to the private one where the wait is usually minimal. After a short time the child was on oxygen and getting medical help, and another hour later, the child was admitted. I got back to BG and there was another child who was having some pretty bad symptoms, but not immediately life threatening, so I took that child to the government hospital. We waited for a couple hours just to be seen by the triage doctor. Then a couple hours for an x-ray and admission. I thought to the first child and really began to think that had we not taken them to the private hospital, the child may have died. Waiting several hours could be the difference between life and death, and every time I am in this situation, my heart is sad. Most people in Lesotho can't afford the private hospital. I was informed by the nurse that the oxygen alone was going to be M8 a minute which is M480 an hour. Many people make less that M1000 per month so they could never afford to give their kid private health care.


The amount of pain and suffering I witnessed in my 5 hours in the government emergency room was really heartbreaking. The blood, the moaning, the seizures, the coughing, the crying, and so much more. Seeing people in their deepest hour of need and knowing that they were going to be suffering for many more hours, it just hurts. Everyone waiting for their turn no matter the depth of their pain. What I do know is that the Basotho are a very strong group of people, to suffer as they do, and yet they still praise God. To walk through that kind of pain must force them to lean closer to God. I am grateful for the health we have been fortunate enough to have, and I am reminded to pray more faithfully for those who are hurting in Lesotho. Please pray for our 2 kids who are in the hospital and for the people who are providing their health care. Pray for the health care professionals to see their patients as people who desperately need their care, and not as a bother.

Encouragement through retelling our story

If you read my last blog post, you would notice that I was feeling a little bit lost. So many questions, but not near enough answers. God's timing is always right and after I posted in my blog, our friend Tim asked Bryan and I to do a podcast for his new ministry, Oceans. We worked out how to be at BG at the same time so we could do the podcast (usually Bryan or I am home with the kids).
We were asked to tell the story of how God called us to Beautiful Gate, how our family was impacted, and the story of our adoption. As we retold these stories, ( http://ourbeautifulmission.blogspot.com/2010/06/brief-history-of-our-family-and-our.html )it was like I was hit over the head with God's faithfulness. Why do I let satan beat me down with doubt and worry when I see what God has done. I see where He has taken us and I see clearly that we are far better off having followed Him. Just listening to the things my kids say as they share with teams or our friends, shows me how much God has impacted their lives. Just the fact that I have 5 kids, shows how God moves and paves a way for our future to be good. We would not be so close as a family if we did not come. We would probably not have adopted if we did not come here, at least not the 2 precious little girls who are our daughters now. Our love and desire to serve God would probably not be as strong if we had not come because I don't think our faith would have been tested the same way where we were before. I know it would have been tested because all of us all over the world face trials and testing of our faith, it just would have been different. I don't regret for a single second coming here because of how God has shown up in our lives.
So why do I freak out when I think about going back to America? If He carried us through everything here, will He not do the same for us there? Sometimes I am so disappointed with myself because I see how much like an Israelite I am. Trusting and singing praises one minute, and complaining the next. He is the same God here that He is there. Why can't I trust that? Just like forgiveness has to be a choice, I am seeing that trust has to be a choice. I need to let go and trust that He has what is best for all 7 of us in His heart and in His hands. He did far more than anything I could have expected or imagined in the last 5 1/2 years, and I know He is not finished with us yet. So anyone who reads my blog already knows that I can be fickle, trusting one week and panicking the next, but I am going to be trying my best to trust Him. Whether our timing is shorter or extended, whether our family has to live apart for 4 or more months, whether Elijah has to leave as an exchange student for a year, whether we have a job or car lined up when we get home, whether we have anything at all planned or figured out, our God already knows what is BEST and He will carry us through whatever choice we are faced with, as well as any lack we are faced with.