Weight on my heart

Just for the record...I don't think I am bi-polar, but if you read my blog from week to week, it may seem like I am! I can go from such a high, to such a low in a very short period of time. This week feels like a low to me. Maybe there was just too much going on in the last few weeks that now I am decompressing, or maybe it is the week of rain that has been happening, or maybe it is just living in Lesotho.


I feel weight on my heart that I can't unload. I feel troubled for so many people, and it is painful. There are more and more situations that I am becoming aware of and they are completely heart breaking. I know God sees those who I have been praying for, but it feels like He is silent. I know that He has a good plan for all who love Him and call upon His name, but waiting is very discouraging. I will not give up hope even in my discouragement, but there are days that feel a little more hopeless than others.


On top of the weight that I am carrying for those in Lesotho, my heart has been completely shattered in the area of abortion. I think that our living here for 7 years and trying to facilitate families coming together, and our own choice to adopt can clearly show that we care deeply for life. I care so much for children that sometimes when I hear their abandonment stories, I feel physically sick. Yesterday, Elijah had to watch a video about abortion for one of his online classes, and I decided that I needed to view the video so I know what they are saying and teaching my son. I was literally shaking and nauseous after watching a video of an actual abortion as well as many graphic scenes of tiny baby hands, legs, and faces. My heart is broken for those little ones who will never get the chance to experience life. They will not even get the chance to feel love, know the care of a parent, or even breathe a breath of fresh air. I am broken for those who feel this is a good option when I personally know many, many mothers and fathers who are sitting with empty arms, waiting for a child to love.


Please pray for the many jobless, hungry and hopeless in Lesotho. Also pray for those who feel stuck, confused and scared and run to the wrong solution whether it is abortion or abandonment, neglect or mistreatment, or any other thing than receiving the blessing they have been given and giving everything they have to do what is right, even if that includes adoption. Thank you for your prayers and for allowing me to unload a little of the weight on my heart.

Baptisms, Birthdays, and Profession of faith....oh my!!

On December 31st, Polita and Nthabeleng were baptized at the Semonkong falls. It was really great because we have our pastor from Michigan visiting along with several friends, and even Bryan's parents. It was a beautiful (and hot) day!

On January 1st, we celebrated Polita (8) and Nthabeleng's (6) birthdays! We had lots of friends and family with us to share their first birthday party. Polita was amazed that we had such a party for them and enjoyed all the presents, especially her new doll with hair she can braid!!!

Then on January 4th, Elijah stood before his friends, family, and adopted aunts and uncles ( aka the BG staff) and gave his testimony and profession of faith. Wow, what a beautiful moment for all of us to witness. He is an incredible young man who really takes his faith seriously. 

It has been a very full and wonderful week with my family. Bryan and I have committed to raise Polita and Nthabeleng in such a way as to teach them about God, and we have witnessed what that looks like through Elijah. We also got to see pure joy and delight from our youngest 2 girls as they had a special day all about them. Our hearts are full this week as we celebrate the blessings we have been given, and one of those blessings is that Oma and Papa are here to celebrate these milestones with us.

Special Friends

On Friday we said good-bye to some of the closest friends we have made as a family, the amazing Munger family. It was not easy to watch them go, and it was made harder as my 2 youngest daughters had tears rolling down their faces. Their first friends, since joining our family, were now leaving Lesotho. Then I looked at Mercy and was reminded of how lonely she was until her friends moved here. There have not been very many missionary families with girls around Mercy's age living in Lesotho. These 2 girls changed Mercy's life because she learned so much more about friendship. We have been neighbors with the Mungers for the last 16 months (they were in Lesotho for 2 1/2 years we were just living on campus for part of that time), and Mercy went to school with her friends for 2 years. It was so sad watching them go, and knowing the hole it would leave in our hearts.


There is something special about having friends who are also running a similar ministry (we also have a close friendship with the managers at MAF). There are so many obstacles and trials that come up, and it is not appropriate to share those publically. Having friends whom you can let down your guard with, and who don't work in your same organization is priceless. We were so blessed by walking through the joys and trials of running our organization with such good friends. We also enjoyed weekly dinners and game nights to help us all unwind from our demanding schedules, and our girls would play for hours during these nights. What a gift to our family this was. We are so grateful that God answered our prayers for a friend for Mercy, and prayers we did not even ask, in friends for our whole family.

We thought we were getting a bit numb with all of the good-byes that are required for this missionary lifestyle, but we were wrong. Lorna found a way into my heart, and began to feel like a sister to me. I feel like I lost a dear sister, but I am trying to be positive and thankful for the time we could all hang out together. I am also thankful for internet so we can stay in touch, but it is not the same as just dropping by your neighbors house for a cup of coffee :(

We wish you all the best with your transition, and we pray that God will provide you with wonderful friends when you get settled. You have been amazing friends, (I know you were just born that way Lorna ). Elijah and Bryan will keep up their game stats for you Matt (thanks for starting the game nights), and we look forward to a time when God will cross our paths again! 

6 Years

I stepped off a plane and entered the country of Lesotho with my husband and 3 (of my 5) children, 6 years ago today. We had no idea what we were walking into. We only knew that we were walking in obedience to the Lord who had clearly called us to this little country. We knew that He wanted us to care for His children. We walked off that plane with absolutely no idea what God is store.

Had we known He wanted us to run Beautiful Gate as directors, we never would have walked off that plane. If God had told me that I would help start up a school for my children and other missionary kids, I never would have walked off that plane. Honestly, if He had told me that I would be the mother of 5 children 5 years later, I probably would have stumbled out of the plane. Wanting to take that step, but being terrified that I could not handle what He was asking me to do (little did I know that my youngest child wasn't even born yet). He has unfolded His great plans very slowly, which gives us the right amount of courage and trust (and sometimes a small level of blindness) to take one step at a time. Looking back just fills me with wonder at the greatness of our God!

In August, we hit a pretty awesome milestone at BGL. Karen and I were just working on the newsletter when I saw that we had our 200th adoption in August. That is just too amazing. 200 adoptions in 15 years. 200 children who have found love, hope, and a second chance through adoption. Not to mention parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, family friends, etc, whose lives have also been changed through the blessing of adoptions. This is just one small thing I never could have fathomed the day I stepped off that plane 6 years ago.

I will be forever grateful that we took this step of faith. It has been anything but easy, but it has been rewarding. I am thankful that we will still have the opportunity to serve Him in different capacities into the next year as well and that our journey is not finished yet. There are many days it almost feels harder now than it did those first years, but we know that God is still slowly unfolding His wonderful plan for our lives. I know that the next year will fly by quickly!

Retreat/Break

I was fortunate enough to spend the last weekend at a missionary ladies retreat. It was a nice time to relax, spend time with God and put the worries of my life back into perspective. I had a new roommate (already a good friend, but her first time at retreat) for the retreat this year and I spent so much time laughing, that I think I burned more calories than I took in during my meals :) It is a shame that she is going to be leaving Lesotho soon though :( One of the worse parts of missionary life, the constant leavings of friends who feel like sisters. I also enjoyed some tennis with another wonderful friend, and we are already making plans for many more matches together once we are both back in MI. Besides not having my husband and kids around, I really look forward to this retreat because I can just let down my titles as co-director (BG and KCAL), mom, teacher, and wife, and just be me. If I want to skip the main course at dinner and eat dessert, I will. If I want to do nothing at all, it is ok. I can be selfish with my time (I know that sounds kind of unchristian, but one weekend a year of selfishness can hopefully be forgiven).


I enjoyed meeting with other women who are serving in Lesotho and hearing about ways they are seeing God move, or ways they are struggling in their work and I can be intentional with prayer. Sometimes hearing the struggles of others can really put my own struggles into perspective. Things may not look as bad. We can encourage, and uplift our fellow missionaries. We can also be encouraged by people who flew to Lesotho, just to serve us (so weird when those who serve daily are being served, it feels unnatural sometimes). It is nice to have that break and I think if I didn't have 5 kids and a husband, I would try to do this once a quarter, not a full retreat but a day away, but maybe it is because I have 5 kids and a husband, that I need the break! Hahaha.


I look forward to the week ahead now that I am feeling more energized.

Unforeseen Blessings

I titled my post today as unforeseen blessings because I have been reflecting on God's surprises in our life over the last 6 years. I can't even begin to count the new friends I have made through teams, volunteers, staff, neighbors and missionary families in Lesotho. I can honestly say that I had never known nearly this many people when I was living my quiet life in Zeeland, MI. I have grown in my confidence and in my ability to talk to people (I am still shy in large groups, but I can talk when I need to which is new for me). I have learned how to manage conflict better, and how to be a peace maker, all skills that have come from our move to Lesotho. These skills and blessing could be somewhat expected though, so I am not really talking about those.

This is me giving a speech at a funeral and being translated by Ntate Moribe. I never thought I would have the strength to do something like this, but with God all things really are possible.

I have already shared 2 unforeseen blessings that NEVER would have happened if we did not choose to follow God's path to Lesotho, and those blessings are my youngest daughters. I would not have seen the plight of orphans firsthand, and I don't really know if Bryan and I ever would have adopted. Yes, we talked about it a little, but we were not committed to it like we were after moving here. We would have missed the blessing of a larger and more fun family life. We would have missed the chance to daily love little girls who didn't get enough love and attention for many years of their lives. But we didn't miss a thing because God showered us with His blessings.

Polita and Nthabeleng on our long car ride to Port Elizabeth last August. They are really good sports, even when we threw a 9 hour car ride on them. They decided that the ocean and elephants were worth the long ride, I agree!

Now I want to share another COMPLETELY unforeseen blessing. I never thought my brother would come and see me in Lesotho because of the cost and his busy work schedule. I wanted him to come so badly and my friends, Terp and Tyler decided to surprise me and pay his way to visit me last April. We had a great time together and enjoyed traveling, and he got to know his new nieces, but God had an even bigger plan. During my brother's visit, he met a wonderful young woman who works at Beautiful Gate, and my shy little brother shocked me because he began to pursue this young lady. They only met 4 days before he left Lesotho, but kept in contact over the last 7 months, and she has just returned from a trip to America as his fiancé!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My brother Robert (or Bob or Rob depending on who you are) and his future bride, Tsili, during her 2 weeks in October. 

Yes, you read that right. my brother is getting married to one of my co-workers (I am technically her boss which is super weird now, hahaha) Motselisi (Tsili as we call her) works in the finance department at Beautiful Gate and she is such a great woman. She loves the Lord, is super fun, serves in her church, tells the best stories, loves my brother with her whole heart, and she is going to be my sister. I have been praying for years that God would help my brother find a godly wife, but NEVER did I expect it would be due to his trip to visit us in Lesotho. What a blessing! What a gift! God is amazing at weaving lives together, and I am so glad we followed Him to Africa because He had some pretty huge blessings to pour out on my whole family!!!!

Elijah's Gift

I remember several years ago where I worried that living in Lesotho might be ruining my kids. I think it had to do with them losing their innocence due to witnessing the hardships of the Basotho. I couldn’t shelter them or sugar coat the truth. It broke my heart and I struggled, as most parents do I imagine, with self doubt and fear. I really don’t write this as a pat on the back for my kids, or my parenting because anyone who really knows us, knows that we are a very flawed family ;) I want to share this because it is a huge encouragement to me about the way God works through children growing up surrounded by poverty and hardship.

I have written in my blog briefly about a family from our former church in Maseru who are struggling with poverty. They have lost their jobs and now lost their temporary housing arrangement and were almost on the streets. I have committed to a certain amount of money that I felt I could share with them during their desperate struggle, but I knew I couldn’t help them with more than that committed amount. I prayed for them, pleading with God for someone to come alongside and help them. I didn’t expect the way God provided…

Last week during recess, Elijah came up to me and said that he had been feeling the Holy Spirit prompting him to give away his savings. (Side note- Elijah has been saving for months by doing chores and babysitting because he wanted to buy himself something special for Christmas.) He had been counting his money the night before and realized he was almost at his goal, but that goal was also the exact amount this family needed to pay their first month’s rent. He knew that this family needed the money more than he did. We met with the mother of the family and Elijah shared his gift to her. She was beyond grateful, which I am thankful for, because it was a real sacrifice for a young teenager.

Later that night after he had shared his money, Mercy came to me and asked if she could do some extra chores and earn some money to buy him the gift that he had given up with her own allowance. My heart just about burst at the sweetness of such an offer. I am so grateful that their hearts have been broken for those who have less then themselves. I am so grateful that Elijah has learned to discern what the Holy Spirit wants from him. I am in awe of the obediance of a 13 year old boy as he seeks to serve His Lord. I am humbled by the love of a little sister who has watched her brother give away a goal, and seek to come alongside and make that goal a reality.

This moment was so inspiring to my own faith as I reflected about God, and what it means to follow Him. What am I willing to give up as I put my faith into daily practice? I love that the Lord can use children to continue to show us His ways…love your neighbor as yourself!