My Sister, My Best Friend

Sometimes I hate the month of April. It can be a painful month and it lasts for 30 days with a constant reminder of who is missing from my life, April. The last 3 years, I have done a good job just celebrating her life with happy memories and I usually take a few hours to just be alone and remember my best friend, my sister. I especially remember 3 years ago when my dad, brother, and I spent a day doing all of the things that made us think of her. I bought a Harley Davidson T-shirt, we ate at her favorite resteraunt, we went to the beach, and we bought some of her favorite flowers. It was a beautiful celebration of the amazing person she is to all of us.

This year has just been tougher and I think it is because I was already a bit homesick after Bryan was away for a month seeing friends and family (mostly fundraising though). I also think that living here in Lesotho and living with poverty, pain, hopelessness, suffering, starvation, etc, has torn down the walls of my protected heart. Everything seems to hurt more so I guess it makes sense that missing April hurts more too. I also watched a movie last night and the main character reminded me so much of her that I teared up a few times. All that being said, I guess I just miss her and wish I could be sharing this new life I am living with her.

For those of you who do not know me well, my sister April took her life on April 11, 1999. 4 months before Bryan and I got married. Depression, physical and emotional pain, and tough life circumstances proved to be more than she could carry on her own. So my sister/best friend went to be with Jesus today 13 years ago when she was 23.

Here are the lyrics to a song I played at her funeral:
Good-bye for now by Kathy Troccoli

I can't believe that you're really gone now.
Seems like it's all just a dream
How can it be that the world would go on
When something has died within me
Leaves will turn, my heart will burn
With colors of you
Snow will fall, but I'll recall your warmth
Summer wind, breathing in your memory
I'll miss you


But there will be a time
When I'll see your face
And I'll hear your voice
And there we will laugh again
And there will come a day
When I'll hold you close
No More tears to cry
'Cause we'll have forever
But I'll say Goodbye for now


I can't imagine my life without you
You held a place all your own
Just knowing you were beneath the same sky
Oh what a joy I have known
On rainy days, in many ways
You'll water my heart
On starry nights I'll glmipse the light
of your smile
Never far from my heart