If you read my last blog post, you would notice that I was feeling a little bit lost. So many questions, but not near enough answers. God's timing is always right and after I posted in my blog, our friend Tim asked Bryan and I to do a podcast for his new ministry, Oceans. We worked out how to be at BG at the same time so we could do the podcast (usually Bryan or I am home with the kids).
We were asked to tell the story of how God called us to Beautiful Gate, how our family was impacted, and the story of our adoption. As we retold these stories, ( http://ourbeautifulmission.blogspot.com/2010/06/brief-history-of-our-family-and-our.html )it was like I was hit over the head with God's faithfulness. Why do I let satan beat me down with doubt and worry when I see what God has done. I see where He has taken us and I see clearly that we are far better off having followed Him. Just listening to the things my kids say as they share with teams or our friends, shows me how much God has impacted their lives. Just the fact that I have 5 kids, shows how God moves and paves a way for our future to be good. We would not be so close as a family if we did not come. We would probably not have adopted if we did not come here, at least not the 2 precious little girls who are our daughters now. Our love and desire to serve God would probably not be as strong if we had not come because I don't think our faith would have been tested the same way where we were before. I know it would have been tested because all of us all over the world face trials and testing of our faith, it just would have been different. I don't regret for a single second coming here because of how God has shown up in our lives.
So why do I freak out when I think about going back to America? If He carried us through everything here, will He not do the same for us there? Sometimes I am so disappointed with myself because I see how much like an Israelite I am. Trusting and singing praises one minute, and complaining the next. He is the same God here that He is there. Why can't I trust that? Just like forgiveness has to be a choice, I am seeing that trust has to be a choice. I need to let go and trust that He has what is best for all 7 of us in His heart and in His hands. He did far more than anything I could have expected or imagined in the last 5 1/2 years, and I know He is not finished with us yet. So anyone who reads my blog already knows that I can be fickle, trusting one week and panicking the next, but I am going to be trying my best to trust Him. Whether our timing is shorter or extended, whether our family has to live apart for 4 or more months, whether Elijah has to leave as an exchange student for a year, whether we have a job or car lined up when we get home, whether we have anything at all planned or figured out, our God already knows what is BEST and He will carry us through whatever choice we are faced with, as well as any lack we are faced with.
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