Just for the record...I don't think I am bi-polar, but if you read my blog from week to week, it may seem like I am! I can go from such a high, to such a low in a very short period of time. This week feels like a low to me. Maybe there was just too much going on in the last few weeks that now I am decompressing, or maybe it is the week of rain that has been happening, or maybe it is just living in Lesotho.
I feel weight on my heart that I can't unload. I feel troubled for so many people, and it is painful. There are more and more situations that I am becoming aware of and they are completely heart breaking. I know God sees those who I have been praying for, but it feels like He is silent. I know that He has a good plan for all who love Him and call upon His name, but waiting is very discouraging. I will not give up hope even in my discouragement, but there are days that feel a little more hopeless than others.
On top of the weight that I am carrying for those in Lesotho, my heart has been completely shattered in the area of abortion. I think that our living here for 7 years and trying to facilitate families coming together, and our own choice to adopt can clearly show that we care deeply for life. I care so much for children that sometimes when I hear their abandonment stories, I feel physically sick. Yesterday, Elijah had to watch a video about abortion for one of his online classes, and I decided that I needed to view the video so I know what they are saying and teaching my son. I was literally shaking and nauseous after watching a video of an actual abortion as well as many graphic scenes of tiny baby hands, legs, and faces. My heart is broken for those little ones who will never get the chance to experience life. They will not even get the chance to feel love, know the care of a parent, or even breathe a breath of fresh air. I am broken for those who feel this is a good option when I personally know many, many mothers and fathers who are sitting with empty arms, waiting for a child to love.
Please pray for the many jobless, hungry and hopeless in Lesotho. Also pray for those who feel stuck, confused and scared and run to the wrong solution whether it is abortion or abandonment, neglect or mistreatment, or any other thing than receiving the blessing they have been given and giving everything they have to do what is right, even if that includes adoption. Thank you for your prayers and for allowing me to unload a little of the weight on my heart.
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