I feel such sadness right now. I am really trying to process that my dear friend is really gone, and it is just sad. I have lectured myself a hundred times that she is in a better place so I should feel happy for her, but whenever I see a picture of her, I just cry. I know that this is just how I process things and everything will be fine.
It was her time to die, and it is my time to mourn.
I have a month with Elijah before he will be moving to MI and it is getting more and more real everyday. He poured his heart out to me the other day and it was just so heartbreaking. He is struggling with some very hard, but very real things. I can't imagine having this kind of conversation over Skype and it is just hard to let go of that closeness. I know that I can't hold on to him or any of his sisters forever, but it is just hard.
It is his time to uproot from Africa and start a new chapter in America and it is my time to weep.
I have begun to talk with Bryan and with others about moving away from Lesotho in less than a year, and I cannot even begin to imagine what that is going to be like. I can't even let my mind go there or my eyes flood with tears. To be torn between being back with those I love in the states, yet leaving those I love here. It is too much to process, so I will chose not to process this one yet...
I do not question or doubt God's plan because He is my Father and He loves me so much. He has seen how everything will play out and I trust Him. I just feel a very deep sense of sadness, but I know that in time, this will be healed.