14 Years

Tomorrow marks a significant memorial for my family and I have been doing a little reflecting.

14...

When I think of that number I think of how relative it is. Now if I were thinking of it from the perspective of a 90 year old, I would think it is not a long period of time in a person’s life, a mere blip on their radar. If I look at it from the perspective of a 14 year old, it would be a long time, an entire lifetime as a matter of fact. If I think of it in my own life, I think of all that has happened. Too much to write in 1 mere blog post. I got married, bought 3 houses (sold 2 of them), had 3 children, moved 6 times (one of which was to a whole new continent), worked at a group home for neglected and abused teenagers, did day care with my nieces, and became a co-director of an orphanage. Wow, when I write it all out, it seems that a lot can happen in 14 years and those were just a few of the biggest highlights, there is so much more.

I have shared before about my sister April and how special she was to me and it has been 14 years since I have seen her smile or heard her laugh. It has been 14 years since I have been able to call her when I was having a bad day or read one of her sweet letters written to me. 14 years of wondering why, yet trusting God’s timing and plan. 14 years of working hard to find my joy back, yet knowing that I am stronger and more mature because of my journey. 14 years of knowing that being a daughter of the King does not mean that life is going to be easy, but also knowing that I could not bear to go a single day without Him. I do not approach this day as a sister who is mourning, I approach it as a sister who has loved and has no regrets of that love. A sister who wishes she could share all that has happened in 14 years but also realizing that I have all eternity to share with April.

We have no guarantees of how long we get to spend on this earth. I want to spend each day living with purpose. Loving those around me to the fullest, even though sometimes it hurts. Giving away my love freely means I will be hurt, but God wipes my tears and helps me to move on again. We have laid 5 babies to rest since I have come here, but I do not regret giving them my love. We have reunited many children to their families not knowing what will happen to them and if they will be fed, loved, or cared for, but I am glad I could shower them with affection while they were here. God has been merciful and given me 14 years more than my sister and I am glad that I have not wasted them in anger, bitterness and regrets. I miss her and wish she were here, but I cannot change the past and will continue to do my best to live in such a way as to create many amazing memories I can share with her when at last God decides it is time to reunite us in heaven!