Anguished Heart

It is so heartbreaking to begin the actual discussions about our transition to not being the directors. We had a real heart to heart with our management team about the qualities they are looking for in their new director/s. Before they really began to share their thoughts, they first expressed their gratitude to have us, and their desire to have us reconsider and stay longer. It was a real blessing to hear them say that, but at the same time, it made me very sad. None of us really want to leave here in 2 years, but we know that we are not being called to stay longer than that. We have felt from God that it will be time for us to go back to America in 2017. We are all stuck in the crazy experience that all missionaries find themselves in, we have more than one home. If I am already a mess just thinking about having to leave in 2 years, then I cannot imagine the distress and anguish we will feel when that day comes.


What it boils down to is that I feel I am abandoning my friends. I am disappointing and hurting people by being here, and I will disappoint, hurt, and break the hearts of many when I leave here. Our staff and the BG kids have learned to trust us, and that is huge. They have made themselves vulnerable and shared their lives with us, and we are walking away from that trust.


We are going to be leaving on a 9 week furlough on November 11th. Maybe it will give us some down time to think and restore our emotions, but knowing that it is time to begin the search to replace ourselves is a lot more emotional than I had thought.


Please pray with us that we as a care center will seek the Lord's will in the new directors, who will be chosen by the BGL board. Please pray that BG will be even greater in the years to come than it is now. Please pray with us that we will always do what is best in the sight of the Lord, and that we will trust Him to heal the hearts of our many friends and family around the world.