Feeling a little lost

For the most part, everything is going well in our lives. The children and staff at Beautiful Gate are pretty healthy and happy. One really sick child has made an amazing recovery, and we have all been praising God for His goodness. 3 of my 5 kids have colds right now, but they aren't too bad. They should be feeling better in another 2 - 3 days. We have been blessed by watching some high school teens be broken for the kingdom of God through their outreach to Beautiful Gate. Our youngest daughters are adopting us as their family. We chose them, but now they are showing that they chose us too and it is beautiful to witness. Days are not without conflict and confusion, but they are still good.


So with all that good, why do I feel so lost right now? I have this really overwhelming feeling of being lost and unsure of the future. We are starting the training for our friends, Peter and Lindiwe to take over BG, and I know it is the best. They are such a perfect fit. Maybe I am feeling lost cause my purpose is switching? We are starting to plan for the future education of our kids, but we don't know what kind of job/ jobs we will have when coming back to MI next year. Where and when do we enroll them in school? Should we split our family up next August so 3 of them can start school on time while the other 2 have to wait out the 2 years before they can enter American soil? So many people are asking questions, and I have no answers and now I am beginning to feel worried. God has brought us this far, and I know I need to trust Him.


My girls have shared more of their past, and it just sucks. To not feel wanted and to be left alone, those are emotions that will haunt them for a long time. I feel so lost in how to help them. Then there is Mercy who is trying her best to be an amazing big sister, but she struggles so much with not being the youngest. She struggles desperately with controlling her emotions, and I feel so lost as to how best to help. These struggles are nothing close to what other families face, but it is hard to try to help and to know what is the best. I guess all these things are showing me and pointing to how much I need to depend and rely on God to help us figure it all out. He planned our 7 years in Lesotho. He knew who and when we were supposed to adopt. He knew when it would be time for us to start letting go and raising up the new directors. He knew, before we even said yes to come here, where my kids should go to school and where they will thrive and serve Him the best (He just hasn't shown us yet). We long to do all things well and we know with God helping us, we can work through all of these situations and questions. Your prayers would certainly be appreciated though!